The Island

The island of self sabotage
I dance along its shores
I lift myself upon its rocks
As sand seeps through my pores
Harsh and odd, the feeling penetrates
My very core
And brings me back to that same revelation
Had before
The one that led me off the path
And to that solid door
A door that only opens with
Intention and galore
I want to leave this island
But I don't know what I'll find
Am I courageous enough
To leave this all behind
The knowledge of what is to come
The need to be defined
But there's no way that I can stay
My heart is intertwined
My mind it knows that all these thoughts
Are not out of the blue
Created by a mastermind
My thoughts become a glue
They justify my choice to do
The things I want to do
They sugarcoat my fears
And make whatever I think true
I really want to strategize
To leave this empty place
This place that's full of lies and doubts
Digression and self hate
I couldn't carry on here knowing
I'd become a bait
Only feeding parts of me
That I would let one take
Holding back the other parts
That I have yet to find
Teaching of a way to live
That wouldn't serve my kind
And still these thoughts are only thoughts
That come and go with time
And once again I'm hearing
barren voices of my mind
I want to leave this island
This island in my head
There is a whole world out there
I can explore instead
With intention and galore
I will continue where I'm led
Opening that door
To possibility and dread
3/30/15

Clarissa Ramos